Your Wedding Ceremony

 If you're the kind of couple who haven't attended many weddings, it can be difficult to come up with ideas when it comes to thinking about your own wedding ceremony. It's easy to get caught up in planning the party, the food and the cake, but many forget that it is at the ceremony they actually become husband and wife. It is the words they say to each other and the declarations made in front of their guests that will be looked back upon as the years pass.

Usually your celebrant or officiant will provide you with plenty of options to consider for your ceremony, but a ceremony that has been personalised with some of the things that are truly special to the couple and reflect who they are always leave those in attendance with a sense of connection and sincerity.

Today we thought we would bring you an actual ceremony that was put together by a couple who wanted to incorporate some Pagan elements to their day.  We hope you enjoy it and we look forward to bringing you some more ceremony options.

Welcome:

(Warming of the rings) On behalf of Andrew and Kathryn I would like to welcome you here today to celebrate with them as they pledge their commitment to one another in marriage. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for being here and showing them your support.

Introduction:

We have come together here in celebration of the joining together of Kathryn and Andrew. There are many things to say about marriage. Much wisdom concerning the joining together of two souls, has come our way through all paths of belief, and from many cultures. With each union, more knowledge is gained and more wisdom gathered. Though we are unable to give all this knowledge to these two, who stand before us, we can hope to leave with them the knowledge of love and its strengths and the anticipation of the wisdom that comes with time.

The law of life is love unto all beings. Without love, life is nothing, without love, death has no redemption. Love is anterior to Life, posterior to Death, initial of Creation and the exponent of Earth. If we learn no more in life, let it be this.

Marriage is a bond to be entered into only after considerable thought and reflection. As with any aspect of life, it has its cycles, its ups and its downs, its trials and its triumphs. With full understanding of this, Andrew and Kathryn have come here today to be joined as one in marriage.

Giving of the bride:

Celebrant: Others would ask, at this time, who gives the bride in marriage, but, as a woman is not property to be bought and sold, given and taken, I ask simply if she comes of her own will and if she has her family's blessing.

Celebrant: Kathryn, is it true that you come of your own free will and accord?

Kathryn: Yes, it is true.

Celebrant:  And with whose blessings accompany you.

Bride's attendant: She’s accompanied with her father’s blessings.

Envoking the elements:

In times past it was believed that the human soul shared characteristics with all things divine. It is this belief which assigned virtues to the cardinal directions; East, South, West and North. It is in this tradition that a blessing is offered in support of this ceremony.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the East. Communication of the heart, mind, and body Fresh beginnings with the rising of each Sun. The knowledge of the growth found in the sharing of silences.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the South. Warmth of hearth and home The heat of the heart's passion The light created by both To lighten the darkest of times.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the West. The deep commitments of the lake The swift excitement of the river The refreshing cleansing of the rain The all encompassing passion of the sea.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the North Firm foundation on which to build Fertility of the fields to enrich your lives A stable home to which you may always return.

Each of these blessings from the four cardinal directions emphasizes those things which will help you build a happy and successful union. Yet they are only tools. Tools which you must use together in order to create what you seek in this union.

Monitum: Legally required under Australian law

Reading: Why Marriage? - Mari Nichols-Haining

Why Marriage? Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body .

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won't hold them against me, who loves me when I'm unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and looks for the divine potential of me.

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night with someone who is thankful, with someone I feel blessed to hold.

Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship.

Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness, I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage together we create our marriage.

Because with this understanding the possibilities are limitless.

 

The Handfasting:

Celebrant:  

Please join hands. As your hands are joined, so now are your lives.

Above you are the stars
below you are the stones
as time does pass
Remember
Like a star should our love be constant
Like a stone should your love be firm
Be close, but not too close
Posses one another, but be understanding
Have patience with one another
For storms will come, but they will go quickly
Be free in the giving of affection and warmth
Make love often, and be sensuous with one another
Have no fear and let not the ways or words
of the unenlightened give you unease for the Gods are with you.

Vows: I ask you now to exchange your vows. We’ll start with you Andrew.

Andrew:  I ask all present to witness that I, Andrew James Lane, take you, Kathryn Cameron, to be my lawful wife. . I pledge to share my life openly with you, to speak the truth to you in love. I promise to honour and tenderly care for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfilment as an individual for the rest of my life. I am honoured to call you my wife, my soulmate I will love you unconditionally forever and some more.

And now it’s Kathryn’s turn.

Kathryn:  “I ask all present to witness that I, Kathryn Cameron, take you, Andrew James Lane to be my lawful husband. I pledge to share my life openly with you, to speak the truth to you in love. I promise to honour and tenderly care for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfilment as an individual for the rest of my life. I am honoured to call you my husband, my soulmate I will love you unconditionally forever and some more.”

Celebrant:  Andrew and Kathryn have made their vows to each other in the presence of those dear to them; I then take this cord and bind them to those vows.

(Celebrant ties the ribbon around hands).

The Asking/Exchange of Rings

Celebrant Kathryn and Andrew, as these circles are designed without an ending, they speak of eternity. May the incorruptible substance of these rings represent a love glowing with increasing lustre through the years. Bless these rings which you give to each other as the sign of your love, trust, and faithfulness.

Celebrant: Andrew will you take Kathryn to be your wife and soul mate, to travel through all your lives together, to love, laugh, cherish, communicate and understand each other as long as love may last?

Andrew; I Will.

Celebrant to bride;

Kathryn will you take Andrew to be your husband and soul mate, to travel through all your lives together, to love, laugh, cherish, communicate and understand each other as long as love may last?

Kathryn; I Will.

Bride and groom say together

“Heart to thee, soul to thee, always and forever, so mote it be.

Celebrant: So mote it be

Guests: So mote it be.

Announcement:  Now that you have joined yourselves in marriage, may you strive always to meet this commitment with the same spirit you now exhibit. We all bear witness to this ceremony you have just performed, may the gods bless this union, and may the majesty of this earth protect you in your joined lives together. You may now kiss your bride.

Signing:

We will now be taking a few minutes to sign the legal paperwork. Please Feel free to take photos.

Presentation:

Having said that It now gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the first time as a married couple……Andrew and Kathryn Lane.

Traditional Seating at a Formal Church or Civil Ceremony

As part of our ongoing 52 Rituals/Traditions from around the world series we thought we might take a bit of a look at seating arrangements for the ceremony.

If you’re having a traditional church wedding or a large civil ceremony, but want to uphold some of the more formal or religious traditions around seating, you might want to consider the seating arrangements for the ceremony.

Traditionally, the bride's family and friends will be seated on the left hand side facing the front while the groom's family and friends are seated on the right.

The best way to ensure that people sit where you want them to is to have an usher showing people where to sit. This alleviates any confusion and let’s guests know that it is okay to sit down and that they are in the right spot. Often people will stand around for fear of sitting somewhere they are not supposed to. Ushers should where possible seat guests as they arrive, from front rows to back

Another option is to simply place flowers or ribbons on the ends of the first few rows so that guests know that this is seating for immediate family and special guests.

Row 1 (front left) Should be set aside for the Bride's Parents – it can be difficult to organise if the parents are divorced, but if they are on good terms then they can sit together in the front row. However if they are remarried or not on good terms, one parent and his/her new partner may like to sit a row or two back to keep things pleasant.;

Row 2 (front right) Should be set aside for the Groom's Parents – with the same considerations as above

Row 3. (second left) Should be set aside for the Bride's Grandparents and Siblings

Row 4. (second right) Should be set aside for the Groom's Grandparents and Siblings

Row 5. (third left) Should be set aside for the Bride's Special Guests

Row 6. (third right) Should be set aside for the Groom's Special Guests

All of the other rows can be filled with other guests in attendance as they please. It is best to have any young children toward the back so that if they need to be taken outside, it can be done without disruption to the service.

Of course all of this is nothing more than choice and if you decide to just mix it up a little and let guests sit anywhere then do what makes you happy!


The Wedding Gurus
xxx

Finding the Right Celebrant

When he gets down on one knee and pops that big question, for one amazing split second the world stops. The future flashes before your eyes and that flash usually involves a gorgeous dress, vibrant flowers and adoring eyes all focused on us. But…..unfortunately as plans begin to take hold and arrangements are booked the reality of how much works is involved in planning a wedding begins to set in.

Finding the right celebrant is sadly often given little thought initially and left to near last. Whether that is because it is perceived as a ‘less fun’ task or perhaps couples just find picking cakes and flowers more fun, but whatever the reason, finding the celebrant is something that should be given time and consideration and can mean the difference between having a fabulous day and having a disaster.

In selecting the celebrant for you it is really important that you have some idea of what you are looking for to begin with - male, female, older, younger, traditional, modern. You need to take some time to work these details out in advance and ensure that as a couple you are clear about what you are looking for.

So, why is it important to find the right celebrant? Well your celebrant will play a major role not only on the big day, but will be your main source of ideas, information and guidance on planning your ceremony. While a celebrants main objective is to help the couple to create a ceremony that reflects who they are, they also bring to it their own perspectives, beliefs and ideas on ceremony which can often impact substantially on the end result.

Some celebrants may be more traditional and believe that a ceremony should be a very serious and formal occasion while other celebrants may believe that a more easy going, casual and fun ceremony is perfectly acceptable.

In working with you they will bring these ideas to your ceremony in the planning stages that's why it is a good idea to take the time to select wisely.

Choosing someone to trust in guiding you to plan your big day can be a little daunting, so we’ve put together a few top tips to help you:

Tip 1: Do some research based on your initial decisions of male/female etc.

Tip 2: Select 3 who appear to fit all of your criteria and either call or email them for information. Remember to ask each one to provide you with an information pack (or an outline of the services they provide, fees, inclusions etc.)

Tip 3: Compare the 3 packs based on what is provided. Consider total cost and a rating of the information given. Pay careful attention to the price inclusions, all celebrants charge different amounts and provide different things for that price.

For example: Celebrant 1 charges an all inclusive price of $500 including signing table, all documents, travel in metro area, PA use etc. Celebrant 2 charges $400, however there is a $50 fee for a table, $70 for the PA, $50 for documents and travel charged per kilometer. It’s easy to see the initial price as being the best only to discover that there are lots of ‘add ons’

Tip 4: Choose the celebrant who provides everything you are looking for at the fairest price and who you feel will best work with you to create your dream ceremony.

Tip 5: Make contact with them for an initial introduction or meeting to see if your personalities match and that they understand your vision for your day.

When you meet with the celebrant you will soon know if they are right for you, however if you feel they are not suitable simply go back to your top 3 list and organise another meeting.

We have all heard the old saying "you get what you pay for" and like anything else this is true when it comes to weddings. Very experienced and knowledgeable celebrants charge a reasonable fee for the service that they provide to couples and the time and effort that they spend personalising ceremonies to ensure your ceremony is exactly as you envisioned it to be.

While there are many cheap options available couples need to ensure that they are meeting the legal requirements and consider the standard they expect for their wedding day. Be sure to ask friends and family for recommendations as chances are if they come highly recommended, they are providing fabulous service.

We hope this has helped you to find the right celebrant for you and don't forget to check out The Wedding Gurus preferred celebrants page by clicking this link:  WG Celebrants Australia

The Wedding Gurus

xxxx

A 'sustainability' theme with a little bit of vintage & some rustic tones

As our loyal readers know, at The Wedding Gurus we love to celebrate those who take a chance and do things a little 'differently'. We love to bring you inspiring pictures and ideas of those who have been courageous enough to try something unique and have pulled it off fabulously.

Vintage themes are definitely a popular choice with couples and wedding stylists and our readers are always on the look out for interesting and inspiring ideas, but the wedding we are bringing you today was much more than simply vintage it carried the theme of 'sustainability'.

The wedding of Leah and Mawson was held in the gorgeous Adelaide Hills town of Woodside  -approximately 38km's south-east of Adelaide City, at Bird in Hand winery.

Take a look at the wonderful ways they have recycled, reused and incorporated produce to create an amazing and fresh look.

Leah's dress was by local designer Caleche Bridal (Norwood), although Leah herself designed the sleeves of the vintage inspired dress.

 Leah spent many months collecting individual recyclable pieces including some pictured below

With the stark contrast of the background against the lucious green lawn and vegetation of the property, this was the perfect setting for a natural look

Some of the local wildlife also managed to steal a small piece of the spotlight

The uniquely brilliant and delicious cake was made out of layers of gourmet cheese.

These arrangements were an assortment of local wild flowers and plants

The couple actually grew all of the herbs that were beautifully placed on the tables with great effect and added to this were lemons and limes for the guests to take home.

The cheeseboards pictured above were actually made by the brides father from old wine barrells in an effort to promote recycling ideas. 

 

These completely cute wooden pegs were used as place settings and the whole scene set amongst the wine barrels with splashes of green herbs and colourful fruit was a sustainability fans dream.

Heirloom seeds were even given to the guests as gifts on the table 

We hope that some of these great and unique ideas have inspired you to think outside the box when it comes to your own wedding. Leah and Mawson have certainly gone to great lengths to create a reception that truly represents who they are and what they believe in and which hopefully reminds us, even just a little to remember what is important to us when it comes to planning our big day.

The Wedding Gurus

xxxx

Week 25 - 52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks

A Fishy Korean Ritual/Tradition

Now if your looking for something out of the ordinary, then this one is for you!

In this Korean tradition the poor groom is subjected to some pretty interesting antics. Usually done in the spirit of providing him with increased strength for the wedding night, this ritual begins after the main ceremony. The Groom’s ‘friends’ (using the term loosely) will tie his ankles together with rope then take of his socks in order to beat the soles of his feet with a fish – A Yellow Corvina.

Pic From: bluedragon.en.ec21.com

Odd? Yes a little, but it is all done in the spirit of good will and as a fun gesture of friendship so who are we to judge.

We just love these strange and out there rituals/ideas, so if you know of any you would like us to use, please feel free to drop us a line on the contact page.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Week 24 - 52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks - Wishing Stones

The Wishing Stone Ceremony

The ‘Wishing Stone' Ceremony is a wonderfully inclusive ritual to incorporate into your big day and is great for not just weddings, but any ceremony you may be considering.

I have performed it as part of a baby naming as well as for weddings. It basically involves using small polished stones, just large enough to write a small wish on if necessary.

Photo from: Intimateweddings.com

 Usually the stones are given out by someone selected to perform the task (can be a great way of including children, by getting them to walk around and make sure everyone has a stone).

As the ceremony commences the guests are asked to hold the stones tightly and make a loving wish for the couple’s life together.

The stones can later be collected in a vase for the couple to keep as a momento of all of the wishes their loved ones and friends made for them or each person can be invited to come forward as part of the ceremony and place their stone – making their wish for the couple, in the vase.

Each stone represents a special wish that the couple can take with them to reflect on throughout their married life together.

Some couples may wish to go a little further and ask guests to write their wish on the stone, offering felt tipped pens for the guests and family to write their names and add their wish.

Week 23 - 52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks

Acknowledgement of the traditional owners of the land

I thought I might share this with you as I have been on occassion asked to begin a ceremony with an acknowledgement of the traditional owners of the land upon which we have stood.

An acknowledgement is a great way of paying respect to those who have come before us and can be done whether or not you have an indigenous background. The two examples here are from one particular area, using specific groups, but wherever you are in the world, you can easily use similar wording to pay respect and honour the traditional owners of the land on which you stand.

It is believed that paying tribute brings good luck by ensuring that you are beginning on a positive note.

“We acknowledge and respect the traditional custodians whose ancestral lands we are meeting upon here today. We acknowledge the deep feelings of attachment and relationship of Aboriginal peoples to country. We also pay respects to the cultural authority of Aboriginal peoples visiting/attending from other areas of South Australia/Australia present here.”

OR

“We would like to acknowledge this land that we meet on today is the traditional lands of the Kaurna people and that we respect their spiritual relationship with their country. We also acknowledge the Kaurna people as the custodians of the greater Adelaide region and that their cultural and heritage beliefs are still important to the living Kaurna people today.”

If you are thinking of adding something like this to your ceremony, or are assisting a couple who would like to have something similar included, be sure to check the details of the traditional owners of the land that you will be performing the ceremony on.

Also check out one of our previous rituals/traditions - a traditional smoking ceremony.

The Wedding Gurus

Week 21: Silent Flower Ritual

Welcome to week 21 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".

The silent flower ritual is one of the simplest and most basic rituals that may be included in a wedding ceremony, but it’s significance and emotional depth are long remembered.

The silent flower ritual brings significance to the roles of the mothers on this special day, that may otherwise go unspoken and to all that they have contributed in the lives of the couple present. In nurturing, loving and caring for each of them and in being there to share this special day with them.

Once the guests are assembled and the groom and celebrant are waiting for the bride, the entrance music begins and the bride enters carrying her bouquet with 2 loose long stem flowers. As she approaches her groom on her father’s (or whoever is escorting her) arm, she lets go of him and walks silently over to her soon to be mother in law and hands her one of the flowers, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She then walks over to her own mother handing her a flower also and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

No words are said during the ritual and the bride then returns to her escort’s arm and continues to her groom.

The ritual, though silent, is very meaningful and brings a tear to the eyes of guests and of course the mothers.  It is a truly wonderful way of honouring the mothers role in the lives of the couple and their importance on this day. The mothers are always very pleased, particularly when they are not aware that it is going to take place.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

For other ways to include your mums please see our post "What about the Mothers?"

Week 17 - Earth Ritual

Welcome to week 17 in our ’52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks’

Many wedding rituals and traditions have a strong focus on the bride and groom and where appropriate, their children. These rituals seek to show the significance and beauty in bringing two individuals together or in uniting a couple and their children whether from previous relationships or their own.

The ritual we are sharing with you today does this, but it goes a little further by involving all of the family and friends in attendance. They not only take part, but are asked to contribute and it is this contribution that sets the foundation for the ritual.

When you send out your wedding invitations you will need to include a small note asking each guest to bring a small jar or container filled with some dirt from around their home. (It only needs to be a small amount especially if you have a lot of guests coming.)

At the ceremony have a medium sized plant pot and a seedling ready on a nearby table. At the time in the ceremony when the ritual is to be done, the officiant may say something (and this is just our preferred version of the wording) such as:

"Bride(name) & Groom(name) have chosen to include a special ritual in their ceremony today that involves you all as their loved ones – the people that they hold most dear.

Each of you has been asked to bring a small amount of earth which was lovingly taken from your own home filled with love and hope and today it is hoped that as each of you place your earth into this plant pot, it will retain that love.

Once the pot is full Bride(name) & Groom(name) will plant the seedling that sits beside it, ready to grow and be nourished by the love of all of you.

I would now like to invite the parents and grandparent’s to come forward."

(Once they’ve finished)

"If everyone else could now please also come forward." (When complete and everyone has added their earth)

"Bride(name) & Groom(name) – your pot has now been filled with the love, hope and best wishes of all of your family and friends. It has been taken from their own lives, their own homes and now given to you to be the base of your future life together. As you now plant the seedling, let its growth and beauty be a constant reminder of the blending of your two lives and families and the love and support that they have for you as they watch you grow together."

(Couple finish planting the seedling and the officiant returns to concluding the ceremony)

This ritual is easy to do and very effective. As long as everyone participates its significance is beautiful and memorable. The wording can be changed and easily adapted to suit.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Marriage & the step parent dilemma

The society in which we live today is filled with wonderful blended families that come in all shapes and sizes.  We're not just talking about couples coming together from different cultural backgrounds, but also couples coming together, each with children of their own. (How could we forget The Brady Bunch - if only it was that easy). So many of the couples I see as a celebrant have families like this.

The joining of two families can be a really wonderful experience, but it would be remiss not to mention the fact that it can also be exceptionally difficult and fraught with potential disasters, particularly when combined with the stress of planning a wedding. Step parenting is never easy and we all know very well that planning a wedding can be overwhelming, even for the calmest of couples, but combining the two can see some couples in total despair.


To any of you who have successfully brought two families together while planning and executing an amazig wedding, we commend you. You truly deserve a round of applause.

BUT, for those of you (and I'm sure there are many) who are currently struggling with a suddenly much larger family, while trying to plan your big day and include children and step children, then we symapthise and are here to help.

In working with many couples in this situation I have put together a few ideas I wanted to share with you that may hopefully help you in finding ways to include children and step children and ease the stress of  any family tension that may be lingering.

I have found that finding ways to include and unite the family on such a public level really helps to strengthen the bond and puts the focus on inclusion and unity rather than exclusion and individuality.

Here are some ideas to help:

1. If the children are old enough allow them to act as junior bridesmaids/groomsmen. Asking them to stand beside you earns them a level of importance and respect that you may find helps them to feel apart of it all.

2. If you are each coming to the marriage with a couple of children it may not be practical to have them as attendant in the ceremony. I once did a ceremony for a couple where they each had 3 children and so they bought each of them a gold letter (the childs first initial) and as part of the ceremony each child was asked to come forward as the step parent placed the necklace on and gave them a kiss. All  the guests were crying and the children were so proud and pleased it was beautiful.

3. Include a unity ritual in your ceremony. A great way of making children feel included is by having a unifying ritual. A sand ceremony is a great example (see our sand ceremony for an example) I perform many sand ceremonies with families which usually requires a vase of coloured sand each different and representing the particular family member, They each then pour their sand into the large vase so the colours layer beautiful and then the vas eis then sealed. The glass can be engraved with the wedidng details or an engraved plaque put on the front. Once on display in the home the significance of the once single colours of sand that can now never be seperated again from the others is a constant reminder of the families bond.

4. If they are not wanting or confident enough to take part in the ceremony then give them a job. Ushering guests, handing out rose petals or bubbles. This will allow them to have a purpose on the day.

We really hope this helps and if you are still stuck feel free to contact us and we will be happy to help with more ideas.

The Wedding Gurus
xxx

Week 16: Stone Ceremony

Welcome to week 16 in our ’52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks’

This week we are looking at a traditional stone ceremony, although it is not commonly used in todays weddings it is an important part of Australian history. In early Australia many of their convicts could not afford to exchange rings therefore the stone ceremony was used to replace this. The couple would cast a stone into nearby river or ocean to signify their remaining together while the tides of time flowed over their lives. Please watch the video below for more of an indepth description and wording.