A Tradition from Romania

There are a treasure trove of rituals and traditions that originate from Romaniaand people from different regions practice these in varied forms. The important ceremonial rituals practiced as part of a wedding is heavily dependant upon which region the couple come from.

One ritual/tradition that we came across takes place in the hours leading up to the wedding when the bride is preparing for the day. While she is dressing, the bridesmaids and best friends all gather and assist her.  This is a very important part of the preparation and can be a very emotional and moving moment for the bride and those closest to her.

Song of the Bride:

Say goodbye bride to your mother, to your father

To your sisters, to your brothers, to your garden with flowers

To your friends and neighbours, to the games or lover

Cry bride, today is the day

It's time to forget your father and love your husband

To forget your mother and to love your mother- in- law

To forget about your sisters and to love your sisters-in-law

 

You will go with your husband and you will leave behind everything you had.

 

As they prepare her for her ceremony a song, "Say farewell bride to your family and house"- "Ia-ti mireasa ziua buna" is played and with an overflow of emotion, is often accompanied by tears and embraces  from all present. We found a rough translation of the lyrics:

Today with many couples living together before they are married, much of this significance can be lost, but for those who are coming from their parents home to join their husband in a new home and a new life, this rite of passage is still very special.

Week 28 Finnish Wedding

52 Wedding Rituals and Traditions from Around the World Finnish wedding traditions.

The stunning country of Finland, known to many as the land of a thousand lakes, is rich in beauty, culture and tradition. Like many, Finnish people love a good wedding and it is at the wedding ceremony that we see many of their rituals and traditions at work. We’ve chosen a few of our favourites that can be easily incorporated into your own wedding whether you are of Finnish heritage or not. On the day of her wedding, as the bride prepares for her big day, a golden crown is placed on her head for her to wear throughout the ceremony. She continues to wear the crown as they commence to their reception and it remains on her head until the time that the ‘Dance of the Crown’ is performed. 

This ritual dance sees the bridesmaids place a blindfold on the bride as they begin to move around her, dancing and confusing her of their place. Much like the tradition of the garter toss, the bride then places the crown on the head of one of the bridesmaids (it is left to fate as the bride cannot see who she is placing it on). It is this bridesmaid that is then, according to the tradition, the next one to be married.

Another fun tradition that takes place at a Finnish wedding is the dance to end the celebrations. This is something that anyone could include in their wedding just for something different and fun. The last dance is known as the ‘Weaning Waltz’ and a group can be easily shown how to participate. To kick of the dancing an instrumental waltz is played as all female guests dance with only the bride and all male guests dance with only the groom. This works best if everyone gets in on it, even the grandparents and older guests and small children assisted by their parents. The bride and groom are whisked around the dance floor, briefly dancing with guests who endeavour to make them ‘forget’ their marriage partner. There is lots of laughter and fun until the bride and groom finally return to each others arms to complete the dance and show to all present that nothing can keep them apart. 

One of the most magical things about rituals and traditions in ceremony is that you don’t have to be a part of that culture to incorporate some of the fun and meaningful elements into your own ceremony. Find one that suits you as a couple and will add to your enjoyment of your day. 

The Wedding Gurus xxx

52 Rituals/Traditions from around the world: Dove Release

As part of our 52 Rituals and Traditions segment we have chosen to have a look at the Dove Release which can be a beautiful and symbolic addition to any ceremony.

Celebrant:
"White doves mate for life and much like a married couple, sometimes the doves take flight and follow their own path for short periods of time, not tied to each other every moment of every passing day. But when the darkness sets in, whether their day’s journey has been together or apart, they both return to the safe place they know is home for the night, to each other.

The releasing of these white doves is a blessing to you both on this day. It is a reminder that while your lives, your paths and your other commitments may often lead you in opposite directions, you always have a place to come home to, to find each other and be one."

Release the doves

"As these doves fly they will carry for you and all of your loved ones here present, wishes for peace, love and hope for your future life together."

Placement of the Wedding Ring

Welcome to week 27 of 52 Wedding Tradition/Rituals in 52 Weeks, 

Have you ever asked yourself why the wedding ring is placed on the third finger of the left hand?

We recently pondered the same question and in response we decided to go in search of where this idea may have originated. As you can imagine there were many interpretations and we have outlined our favourite 3 for you.

In Western Culture it was thought to originate from the Greek physicians in the third century B.C where they were misled to believe that a vein of blood ran from the third finger of the left hand straight to the heart. A slightly misguided interpretation of the human anatomy yes, but you can understand their logic of placing the ring that symbolises love and commitment on the part of the body that was thought to be in direct connection to the heart. In fact this vein was later named ‘vena amori’ or vein of love.

The Chinese have a beautiful interpretation and we have outlined this below showing the representation of each finger :

Thumb represents your parents

Index finger represents your siblings

Middle finger represents your self

Ring finger represents your life partner

Little finger represents children

Now this idea is not based solely on just guessing what each finger may represent, there is actually a really sweet theory behind it.

Basically, if you place your palms together in front of you and bend your middle fingers down so that they are knuckle to knuckle (see pic) the significance becomes clear.

Your thumbs (which represent your parents) are easily separated as you are separated from them as you move off to marry.

Your index finger (which represents your siblings) is also easily separated signifying how you will separate from them in your life, creating your own families.

Your middle finger - is removed as it represents yourself.

Your little finger (representing your future children) is easily parted also representing that they too are not with you forever.

If you try however to separate your ring fingers (representing your life partner) You cannot. Why? because you are tied together as one for eternity. The sentiment behind this theory is beautiful in that the inability to separate these two fingers is exactly where the rings should be placed reminding us of this everlasting unbreakable bond.

A final theory (culture unknown) puts forward the idea that the third finger cannot be held out alone, it needs the support of both the middle and little fingers on either side . So what does this signify, well it gives the ring finger union, support and protection thus representing a happy and health marriage and life together..

The Wedding Gurus xx

Handfasting Ceremony Wording

Welcome to week 26 of 52 Wedding Traditions/Rituals in 52 Weeks.

To accompany our handfasting ceremony video we thought it would be helpful to provide you with the a couple of the more popular wording variations.

Our 'Celebrant Guru' Susan performing a handfast

Example 1:

Celebrant:‘Nicole and Gary have chosen to include a hand fasting ritual in their ceremony today as a symbol of their love Nicole and Gary please hold your hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to each of you.’

(the hands are bound lightly by celebrant)

‘These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, which are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other all the days of your life.

These are the hands that will work alongside of yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.

These are that hands which will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands which will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief engulfs your heart.

These are the hands that will give you support and encourage you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realised.

This binding represents the love that has bound you together to this point. It will continue to bind you to one another until the binding of your rings takes it place.’

The ceremony continues with the couple’s hands bound until the ring exchange at which point the celebrant removes the binding, and the rings then take its place as their binding for life.

Example 2:

Celebrant: Please join hands. As your hands are joined, so now are your lives. (Celebrant binds the hands)

Above you are the stars
below you are the stones
as time does pass
Remember
Like a star should your love be constant
Like a stone should your love be firm
Be close, but not too close
Posses one another, but be understanding
Have patience with one another
For storms will come, but they will go quickly
Be free in the giving of affection and warmth
Make love often, and be sensuous with one another
Have no fear and let not the ways or words
of the unenlightened give you unease for the Gods are with you.

Hands remain bound until the ring exchange.

Example 3:  Handfasting with Children

Celebrant: 'When we think about marriage we immediately visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite families and as is the case in many families today, who already have children, they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other important relationships in our lives.

During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As (Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands, they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as reminder of their promise to them on this day.
They wanted to find a way to let them know now how special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be their parents.

Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents
 
Celebrant addresses children:

(Insert children’s names) These are the hands that will support encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a lifetime.

You may also like to view our video example of a Handfasting Ritual by clicking here

The Wedding Gurus
xxx

Week 25 - 52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks

A Fishy Korean Ritual/Tradition

Now if your looking for something out of the ordinary, then this one is for you!

In this Korean tradition the poor groom is subjected to some pretty interesting antics. Usually done in the spirit of providing him with increased strength for the wedding night, this ritual begins after the main ceremony. The Groom’s ‘friends’ (using the term loosely) will tie his ankles together with rope then take of his socks in order to beat the soles of his feet with a fish – A Yellow Corvina.

Pic From: bluedragon.en.ec21.com

Odd? Yes a little, but it is all done in the spirit of good will and as a fun gesture of friendship so who are we to judge.

We just love these strange and out there rituals/ideas, so if you know of any you would like us to use, please feel free to drop us a line on the contact page.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Week 24 - 52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks - Wishing Stones

The Wishing Stone Ceremony

The ‘Wishing Stone' Ceremony is a wonderfully inclusive ritual to incorporate into your big day and is great for not just weddings, but any ceremony you may be considering.

I have performed it as part of a baby naming as well as for weddings. It basically involves using small polished stones, just large enough to write a small wish on if necessary.

Photo from: Intimateweddings.com

 Usually the stones are given out by someone selected to perform the task (can be a great way of including children, by getting them to walk around and make sure everyone has a stone).

As the ceremony commences the guests are asked to hold the stones tightly and make a loving wish for the couple’s life together.

The stones can later be collected in a vase for the couple to keep as a momento of all of the wishes their loved ones and friends made for them or each person can be invited to come forward as part of the ceremony and place their stone – making their wish for the couple, in the vase.

Each stone represents a special wish that the couple can take with them to reflect on throughout their married life together.

Some couples may wish to go a little further and ask guests to write their wish on the stone, offering felt tipped pens for the guests and family to write their names and add their wish.

Week 23 - 52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks

Acknowledgement of the traditional owners of the land

I thought I might share this with you as I have been on occassion asked to begin a ceremony with an acknowledgement of the traditional owners of the land upon which we have stood.

An acknowledgement is a great way of paying respect to those who have come before us and can be done whether or not you have an indigenous background. The two examples here are from one particular area, using specific groups, but wherever you are in the world, you can easily use similar wording to pay respect and honour the traditional owners of the land on which you stand.

It is believed that paying tribute brings good luck by ensuring that you are beginning on a positive note.

“We acknowledge and respect the traditional custodians whose ancestral lands we are meeting upon here today. We acknowledge the deep feelings of attachment and relationship of Aboriginal peoples to country. We also pay respects to the cultural authority of Aboriginal peoples visiting/attending from other areas of South Australia/Australia present here.”

OR

“We would like to acknowledge this land that we meet on today is the traditional lands of the Kaurna people and that we respect their spiritual relationship with their country. We also acknowledge the Kaurna people as the custodians of the greater Adelaide region and that their cultural and heritage beliefs are still important to the living Kaurna people today.”

If you are thinking of adding something like this to your ceremony, or are assisting a couple who would like to have something similar included, be sure to check the details of the traditional owners of the land that you will be performing the ceremony on.

Also check out one of our previous rituals/traditions - a traditional smoking ceremony.

The Wedding Gurus

Week 22: Handfasting with Children

Welcome to week 22 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".

Some time ago we brought you a version of a 'handfasting' (view here) which has been very popular on the blog, so we thought we would follow it up with a fabulous way of including children in this wonderfully meaningful ritual.

Including children in a handfasting:

Celebrant: 'When we think about marriage we immediately visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite families and as is the case in many families today, who already have children, they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other important relationships in our lives.

During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As (Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands, they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as a reminder of their promise to them on this day.

They wanted to find a way to let them know now how special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be their parents'.

Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents

Celebrant addresses children:

'(Insert children’s names): These are the hands that will support encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a lifetime'.

The Wedding Gurus x

Week 21: Silent Flower Ritual

Welcome to week 21 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".

The silent flower ritual is one of the simplest and most basic rituals that may be included in a wedding ceremony, but it’s significance and emotional depth are long remembered.

The silent flower ritual brings significance to the roles of the mothers on this special day, that may otherwise go unspoken and to all that they have contributed in the lives of the couple present. In nurturing, loving and caring for each of them and in being there to share this special day with them.

Once the guests are assembled and the groom and celebrant are waiting for the bride, the entrance music begins and the bride enters carrying her bouquet with 2 loose long stem flowers. As she approaches her groom on her father’s (or whoever is escorting her) arm, she lets go of him and walks silently over to her soon to be mother in law and hands her one of the flowers, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She then walks over to her own mother handing her a flower also and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

No words are said during the ritual and the bride then returns to her escort’s arm and continues to her groom.

The ritual, though silent, is very meaningful and brings a tear to the eyes of guests and of course the mothers.  It is a truly wonderful way of honouring the mothers role in the lives of the couple and their importance on this day. The mothers are always very pleased, particularly when they are not aware that it is going to take place.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

For other ways to include your mums please see our post "What about the Mothers?"

Week 20: The Giving of the Bride - A Modern Version

Welcome to week 20 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".



A bride I recently worked with decided that she would like to explore the tradition of ‘the giving of the bride’. She desperately wanted to have the well known tradition as part of her ceremony, but she wasn’t happy with the traditional wording or the implication that she was something to be ‘given away’.

After much discussion and thought this is what we used.

The bride walks with her father to join her groom. He then leaves her and joins the other guests.

Celebrant: At this time, others might ask, who gives this bride in marriage, but, as a woman is not property to be given and taken, I ask simply if she comes of her own free will and if she has her family's blessing.

Celebrant: Danielle, is it true that you come of your own free will and accord?

Danielle: Yes, it is true.

Celebrant:  And with whose blessings accompany you.

Bride's attendant (or anyone bride chooses): She’s accompanied with her father’s blessings.

While many still prefer the traditional ‘giving of the bride’ this is a fabulous adaptation and provides the perfect way for those who prefer a more modern approach to their ceremony, to still include traditional elements.

Let us know what you think

Susan x

Week 19: Blackening of the Bride

Welcome to week 19 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".

Yes it is pretty much exactly what it sounds like – blackening of the bride. In this Scottish ritual/tradition the poor bride is subjected to being covered in some disgusting concoctions and substances all in the name of easing her worries. Luckily for the poor bride this takes place in the days leading up to the wedding and never on the day or even the day before.

The most common way of ‘blackening’ the bride is for her friends (debatable) to take her out into the streets and smother her in every awful substance they can find, usually including things like fish guts and molasses, spoiled milk and rotten eggs and occasionally topped off with flour, feathers or anything else that may help her to look ridiculous and smell terrible.

Believe it or not, it is thought that being subjected to this ultimate humiliation will mean that any problems or humiliations the couple may see in the future and within the marriage will seem so much less worrisome or and have little meaning in comparison.

Sadly that is not the end to the ordeal – Completely covered from head to toe in the foul mix and smelling worse than you can imagine, the poor thing is then paraded through the streets, on show for all to see. Her ‘friends’ who walk ahead of her bang pots and pans to ensure the attention of the crowd and then usually lead her to a local pub or club for a celebration of her coming marriage.

Although probably pretty awful and stinky, all in all this would probably be a pretty fun ritual/tradition (or a slightly less foul version of) to do with a group of girlfriends. The photos and the laughs would definitely last a lifetime.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Week 18 - Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed & Something Blue

Welcome to week 18 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks."

One of the most common and recognised wedding traditions has to be “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue” – and if you are going all the way then “And a Sliver Sixpence in her Shoe.”

Of the many thousands of traditions that have come and gone over the centuries, this old English rhyme from the Victorian era is one that has truly stood the test of time and for some reason is still the most popular of all rituals/traditions in our modern society.

"Something Old" is said to symbolise the special connection that the bride has with her own family and that she will maintain to them and to her origins and her past. ‘Something Old – usually gives rise for the bride to choose something that is meaningful from the family, perhaps an heirloom or a piece of her grandmother (or other family members) jewellery. Another option, far more popular in the past than in recent times, is the wearing of a wedding gown belonging to her mother or grandmother.

"Something New" signifies that if the bride has something new then  good fortune and success will be in abundance as she begins her new life with her husband. ‘Something new’ can be anything of her choosing, but if she is not wearing an old dress then her new wedding dress is often a good choice.

"Something Borrowed" is a reminder to the bride of her strong friendships and family bond. The borrowing of an item will give her a sense that she will have love and support whenever she may need it and always have others to lean on when times are tough. The borrowed item can be anything of her choosing, but is most often something that is easily concealed, worn or able to fit in a small purse.

"Something Blue" Is a symbol of love, faithfulness, modesty, fidelity and loyalty. In ancient Roman times the colour blue was the colour that represented all of these (Evidenced by the Virgin Mary in blue). Brides often wore blue wedding gowns in those times and a today still honour this by wearing a blue garter.

 "A Silver Sixpence in her Shoe" A sixpence is an old British coin, which was said to bring the good wishes of loved ones to the bride for financial security and happiness if worn in her shoe. For the best of fortune, she should be sure to ware it in her left shoe. In modern times any other silver coin may be used as a substitute, but there are places that sell keepsake sixpences for weddings.

Superstition warns us that a bride who carries these objects will ensure that she is blessed with a happy, long and prosperous married life. While we love this tradition and all of its sentiment, every bride is beautiful and lucky on her big day and if you don’t manage to have all of these items then begin your own tradition with what you do have and find significance in them.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Week 17 - Earth Ritual

Welcome to week 17 in our ’52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks’

Many wedding rituals and traditions have a strong focus on the bride and groom and where appropriate, their children. These rituals seek to show the significance and beauty in bringing two individuals together or in uniting a couple and their children whether from previous relationships or their own.

The ritual we are sharing with you today does this, but it goes a little further by involving all of the family and friends in attendance. They not only take part, but are asked to contribute and it is this contribution that sets the foundation for the ritual.

When you send out your wedding invitations you will need to include a small note asking each guest to bring a small jar or container filled with some dirt from around their home. (It only needs to be a small amount especially if you have a lot of guests coming.)

At the ceremony have a medium sized plant pot and a seedling ready on a nearby table. At the time in the ceremony when the ritual is to be done, the officiant may say something (and this is just our preferred version of the wording) such as:

"Bride(name) & Groom(name) have chosen to include a special ritual in their ceremony today that involves you all as their loved ones – the people that they hold most dear.

Each of you has been asked to bring a small amount of earth which was lovingly taken from your own home filled with love and hope and today it is hoped that as each of you place your earth into this plant pot, it will retain that love.

Once the pot is full Bride(name) & Groom(name) will plant the seedling that sits beside it, ready to grow and be nourished by the love of all of you.

I would now like to invite the parents and grandparent’s to come forward."

(Once they’ve finished)

"If everyone else could now please also come forward." (When complete and everyone has added their earth)

"Bride(name) & Groom(name) – your pot has now been filled with the love, hope and best wishes of all of your family and friends. It has been taken from their own lives, their own homes and now given to you to be the base of your future life together. As you now plant the seedling, let its growth and beauty be a constant reminder of the blending of your two lives and families and the love and support that they have for you as they watch you grow together."

(Couple finish planting the seedling and the officiant returns to concluding the ceremony)

This ritual is easy to do and very effective. As long as everyone participates its significance is beautiful and memorable. The wording can be changed and easily adapted to suit.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Week 16: Stone Ceremony

Welcome to week 16 in our ’52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks’

This week we are looking at a traditional stone ceremony, although it is not commonly used in todays weddings it is an important part of Australian history. In early Australia many of their convicts could not afford to exchange rings therefore the stone ceremony was used to replace this. The couple would cast a stone into nearby river or ocean to signify their remaining together while the tides of time flowed over their lives. Please watch the video below for more of an indepth description and wording. 

Week 15 - The Seven Steps (Hindu)

Welcome to week 15 in our ’52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks’

A Hindu ceremony, in most cases is quite extravagant and beautiful. It incorporates many different rituals and traditions and is often filled with chanting and Sanskrit blessings that began in a time long ago. This ceremony is known as 'samskara' and in India, it can last days or even weeks.

A Hindu ceremony performed in the Western parts of the world are usually a little less extravagant and last at least two hours.

The central component of a Hindu wedding ceremony  is 'Saptapadi', also called the 'Seven Steps'.

In this ritual the bride’s sari is tied to the groom’s clothing (kurta), or a sari shawl may be draped from his shoulder to her sari. He then takes her, linking his pinky finger with hers and leads her in seven steps around the fire.

While this is taking place the priest or officiant chants the seven blessings or vows for a strong union. These are adapted her in English from the Hindu ceremony:

1. May this couple be blessed with an abundance of resources and comforts, and be helpful to one another in all ways.

2. May this couple be strong and complement one another.

3. May this couple be blessed with prosperity and riches on all levels.

4. May this couple be eternally happy.

5. May this couple be blessed with a happy family life.

6. May this couple live in perfect harmony… true to their personal values and their joint promises.

7. May this couple always be the best of friends.

With each step, they throw small bits of puffed rice into the fire, representing prosperity in their new life together. The action of walking around the fire indicates that they agree to these seven blessings. This is considered the most important part of the ceremony as it seals the bond forever.

A simple and easy way to adapt this into contemporary civil marriage ceremony is to light a traditional fire, or use a large candle or pot of fire that can be placed on a small table beside the bride and groom.

The bride and groom can then take seven steps around the table while the seven blessings are spoken in English.  They can still throw the rice into the fire if using a pot or something large enough.

You do not have to be Hindu to use a ritual such as the Seven Steps in your ceremony. Rituals and Traditions are becoming ever popular with couples all over the world and it is at times difficult to find a ritual that truly means something to you. Explore all of the options and don’t be afraid to incorporate something quite different and unique. It will definitely make your ceremony memorable. As long as you stay respectful to the culture the ritual belongs with the use of it, then it makes for a beautiful experience for all.

The Wedding Gurus xx