What about the Mothers?

This is an area that I truly feel passionate about bringing to peoples attention. At nearly every ceremony I conduct my heartstrings are pulled when I see the mothers of the bride and groom sitting (or standing) in their beautiful outfit, hair all done, often with tears in their eyes, left to watch the father walk his daughter down the aisle – or in the parents of the grooms case, have no part to play at all. This is something I would love to see changed in modern day weddings and I must say some couples make a point of finding some way to pay tribute to the mothers, but for so many of us we are just so caught up in the ‘usual’ way things are done we often don’t think about what is actually important to us most.

I know that sometimes relationships are strained with parents or even non-existent so it is not always something that couples want to do. In those situations that is absolutely understandable but I have often chatted to mums who are very close with their daughters and who are felling a bit sad about the fact that they didn’t get to ride down with them or feel that sense of absolute pride side by side with their baby on the biggest day of her life. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

With one daughter and two sons of my own I have a very good grasp of just how much of my time, love and attention I devote to them every minute of every day. As many mothers do I often think about my daughters wedding, picking out dresses and flowers etc when she grows up, but I’m being honest when I tell you that I can’t help but feel sad that I will have to stand on the sidelines and watch her father, friends and husband to be and his friends stand side by side with her on one of the biggest days of her life. I feel a bit cheated. (in advance!). And to add insult to injury I will even have less of a role on my son’s big days unless they decide to find a special part for me. I know it all sounds very ‘woe is me’, but these are the most special people in my life and if a best friend can get upset about not getting to be a bridesmaid then surely I can feel a bit left out too!

It is funny to me that there are so many traditions in modern ceremonies that have forged through, pushing aside the old ways and yet this is just something that seems to remain, the institution that a father should give away his daughter to her new husband. It really struck me one day at a ceremony where the bride had only recently (like a month before) lost her mother and it was very hard for her not to have her there to see her get married. In planning the ceremony we decided that it would be really special to have a picture of her mother on the signing table at the front and as she walked up to stand beside the groom. She would first walk over to the table, place a kiss on the photo and light the candle. It really was lovely and evoked a lot of emotion amongst the guests, but at the time I couldn’t help thinking that there was more acknowledgement for that mother who had passed away than there was for a mother who is actually present and desperate to play a part.

So I know I have probably ranted a little in this post because of that fact that this is something I feel strongly about but if it inspires even just one of you to find a way to include your mum or make her feel special and stand out from just being like all of the other guests, then I feel that my work here is done.

If you want to find a way to include your mum and are stuck for ideas or have a great idea that you yourself used, please leave a comment.

Regards

Susan